I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
