i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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