I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
