dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
