It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
