Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
