I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
