I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My feet surprised me
Randomize
