I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
