Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
