that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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