Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
