Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
