Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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