Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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