i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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