On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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