I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
