he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
