Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
