She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
