I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
PANTIES FOUND
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
