ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize