I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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