I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Randomize
