you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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