Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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