I just threw up on my dentist
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
