if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
