your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
