we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize