"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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