i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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