Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
