Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
