3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
nutella sex= disaster
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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