if you like me you must not know who I am
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
