So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
