Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize