Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
