Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
