the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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