So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
