my mouth tastes like poor choices
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
