you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My feet surprised me
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
