It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
