just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
two words...techno handjob
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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