It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
