Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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