We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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