I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
