I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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