i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
