Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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