Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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