He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
