isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
