I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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