forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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