You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
and she was petting her beer can
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
