Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
