I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
