he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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