Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
