I need to stop coming to work sober
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
