how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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