I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
