i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
