I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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