i just sent this text using only my big toe
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
