omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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