whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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