I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize