haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
