Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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