You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
