either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
