I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
