I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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