hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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