ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
