I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
