You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
