I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
