and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
