The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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