I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
