You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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