You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
