My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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