I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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