suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
