I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
