Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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