fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
