and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
