they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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