They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
