Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
