watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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