I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
