Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Pants are for mortals
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